The Writer's Journey - Log 4: No one cares.

I know I have promised to return and post updates showing behind the scenes work on editing the audiobook, the writing process, etc., but the hard truth is this: No one really cares. In a world built for quick 15-second serotonin dumps of flashy lights, content meant to anger, numb, or divide, creativity stunted to smut, violence, or dragons, unoriginal thought and rehashing old ideas without a shred of imagination or passion or care, it is impossible to create or do anything that truly is different.

Sure, doing something different was always hard, but it was still possible. In the world of 2025, what was once hard is now impossible. It’s a practice in futility to do anything original, to try to push the boundaries and create something that actually offers something deeper. No one wants to think; no one wants to address hard questions or look at themselves or try something truly new. Instead, they are content with whatever the algorithm decides to feed them, swallowing it without a second though. Because second thoughts are not something most seem capable of.

In the past five years, I have given everything I have to hone my skills, to craft and develop stories and products that actually mean something, only to find out that it doesn’t matter. No one really cares. And this isn’t just the general public that doesn’t care, either.

For example, in 2009, I had just moved back home from California, having just given up on my dream of becoming an actor. At the time, a friend who was still in L.A. and struggling had reached out to me. He was debating moving back home, too, also giving up on his dream of being an actor. However, I told him to stay. I told him it wasn’t worth giving up on. He didn’t have the drug problems that I had at the time, and he owed it to himself to stick it out just a bit longer. He took my advice, and just two weeks later, he booked a recurring role on a show that was the number 1 show on TV at the time. Since then, he has been a consistently working actor. I’m sure there have still been struggles for him, as there is never anything that is always easy. However, not a year goes by that he isn’t in several TV shows or movies, working with greats like Clint Eastwood and Tom Hanks.

Flash forward to January of 2025, and I was really trying everything I could to push my ‘Viator’ novel in any direction I could with the limited funds I had available. With the way the book is structured, it would be a perfect work of fiction to adapt into a limited series, so I decided to reach out to him. I didn’t reach out to him begging for him to read it and pass it along; I didn’t reach out to him saying the typical, “Man, I’ve got your next hit!” No. I simply asked for advice. “Hey man, I just wanted to see if you could give me some advice…”

What did I get?

I got unfollowed. I got unliked. I got crickets.

I never expected anything when I told him to stay and then saw him become successful. I never even expected a ‘thank you’, but when you do have that kind of impact on someone, it would be nice to have them be willing to at least give advice. Instead, it seems he no longer even has the desire to know my name.

The fact of the matter is that the world we live in today, the world we’ve created, is an evil, selfish space where very few people will truly support one another. It is not a world built for someone who seeks to break the mold, to offer something of true value, to do something worthwhile, and it’s not a world built for positive reciprocation or care.

Facing those harsh realities, I look at my current situation, and I can’t help wondering what the actual point of everything is. Why keep putting my heart, soul, and every drop of effort I have into building and creating things people really don’t give two shits about?

I don’t want this to sound like NO ONE offers support – I do have two people who seem to care (my brother, who has absolutely helped me through the creation of every book I’ve made by offering feedback on at least part of the books, and a local here in my small town), but even my own parents can’t be bothered to actually read or listen to any of my books. Sure, my mother may say she’s listened to my first book, but when pressed about details, it’s clear she never actually did.

I look at all the time, effort, care, and money I put into everything I have created and tried to create, and given the current circumstances, I can’t help but to wonder what the fuck is the actual point of continuing?

I don’t write for fame, but I do write to have an impact. Every one of my books was designed with a message in mind, hoping to have an impact on my readers. I don’t write simply because I enjoy it, even though it is my greatest passion. After all, what is the point of creating something if no one knows or cares that it exists?

I can’t even get more than one person to take me up on a free offer of my ‘Mythology of You’ package.

The world is not built for someone like me, and I can’t help but to wonder what the point is? Why continue? Why push through? No one cares whether I keep going or not, and many days, I wake up and wonder why I’m even still allowing myself to wake up in the first place.

This isn’t just a writing or creative issue, either. It’s also with general professional work, too. I have been applying to jobs for over a year, adapting my resume to every single job, applying for positions I’m vastly overqualified for because the ones that I am qualified for never bother to respond. Yet I can’t even get a job at McDonald’s. Over 1,000 applications and resumes have been sent out over that time, and I’ve gotten four interviews, two of which ended up being scams/pyramid schemes. No one cares about the creative side, and no one cares about the professional.

It’s gotten to a point where I really struggle to come up with reasons why I should continue on to tomorrow, why I should allow myself to wake up and see the next day. It’s been nearly 40 years of nothing but pain, struggles, and failures, and the idea of facing another 40 years of that, or however long I last, isn’t one I’m too keen on facing. It isn’t a life that I care to live, to be honest.

Being a writer has always been a struggle, no matter the time period you lived in, but the world of today has made it so that almost no one can break out unless they do the same shit everyone else does. If you want to write and be successful, you better fall in line. You better write a novel about the dirtiest, filthiest sex between two completely toxic characters; you better write about someone going around and blowing people’s heads off; you better write about wizards and dragons. With thousands of works being published every day, most of which being littered with some of the worst prose imaginable, there is no other way to break through. If you don’t already fall into one of those writing categories, you better sacrifice yourself or be doomed to obscurity.

And I refuse to compromise who I am, what I want to do, and what means something to me. I refuse to bow to the smut, violence, and fantasy that is virtually required of today’s society.

So, where do I fit in?

Nowhere. There is nowhere for me, because no one really cares about the stories I have to tell or the skills I bring to the table.

It’s tough for me to do breakdowns on the audiobook editing or the back-end writing process, when I know that no one will see it, and even if they do, they won’t read more than a single paragraph about it. That requires too much attention from them; it requires too much thought; it requires too much time.

For now, I’m still fighting. I’m still trying to push and see a light, a glimmer of hope that I can grasp onto, but honestly, every day is harder than the last, and I truly don’t know how much more I have left in me.

My soul is dying with everyday that passes, and soon, there will be nothing left.

This isn't a happy post, but it's the reality I'm faced with every day. It's the truth, and the truth is rarely easy to hear or speak. We'll see what the future holds, but I'm not sure how much more time I'm willing to give the future to prove it will be better.